Just Like This

I am done chasing love. It really doesn't make for a well-adjusted-me.

I don't really know why it happens either. It does though. I just start looking for other people to fill me up, rather than filling myself up on my own.

Maybe this happens for everyone. I don't know. I am done with it though. I am holding out now.

I am going to pay attention to me.

I will act in commercials and whatever else comes to me.
I will learn how to make cartoons on flash.
I am going to put out Mars or Bust, the Soundtrack on the 14th.
I'm going to put out Dear Mr. President on March 21.
I will write some novels after that.

It may seem like a lot. It really isn't though. It's just little bit, little bit, boom...

That's all. It's this simple.

I am not looking for love.

I already got it.

11 comments:

C. Dale said...

Unfortunately, whenever one is "finished chasing love," Love begins chasing them!

Anonymous said...

c. dale, this is true. Pirooz, I understand your frame of mind, but certainly keep an open heart and mind. Fill yourself up, but dont miss out on love when it finds you.

marlowe diego said...

love is a hot rod on a desert road.

love is a cockroach sandwich.

love is me.

love is you.

love is evol spelled backwards.

love is very very lonely.

hugs

we provide woe (wpvwe)

md

Stacy Elaine said...

you are a silly mcschmilly. although, understandably so. love is hard in los angeles. but, next year is a new year with new people waiting to meet you. how exciting. this is like my dear virginia there is a santa claus post for pirooz:

dear Pirooz,

love does exist as much as you or i exist. it's just that sometimes we are sleepy, we are tired, we are sad, we feel so small in a place that feels so big.

love does exist, and not only the love you have for yourself, but in the love you have for friends and family. love is all around you. in fact, it's suprising that we are not suffocated by love more often.

death by love. what a great way to go. and in a way, that's how we will go. surrounded by so many people who love us and who's hearts are breaking because they want us there with them in the world.

we are always letting go of love and we are always meeting love. it's beautiful.

we write and paint beautiful things when we feel love and when we do not. and we could not write or paint beautiful things with just the feeling of love on our side, we have to have the need for love, or the longing, or the mourning of love with us as well.

and dear pirooz, it's okay to not be in synch with love all the time.

but little bud, don't know you know, it's always there...just like the trees are always here and the sky and the birds and the dirt.

and in a way, it's so amazing, that we have so many true loves, and so many few romantic loves, it makes finding that special someone so much more fantastic.

chin up, little pirooz, there is love.

Pirooz M. Kalayeh said...

C. Dale--I hear you. That would be too funny.

Anony--I hear you. I think C. Dale and you are saying the same thing. And yes, I am open to love. But right now I am concentrating on the real love of my life--me.

Diego-I like "love is a cockroach sandwich" best. I would add parsley and mushrooms. For vitamins, you know?

Dacheux-I will answer you in a bit. I am going to go home and get some salmon. Mmmm.

Pirooz M. Kalayeh said...

D-No, you are silly. I am sexy and spectacular. This is the truth. Believe me. I walked by some Banobo monkeys at the zoo on Christmas Eve, and they all had their ideas about love. I wasn't opposed in the least to show them the birds, trees, and the bees.

I look forward and am open to God's gifts.

The love I question is not the love you speak of. I am talking about letting go of the need for love at a sacrifice to my own self-love.

I'm sure you get that.

Thank you so much for your love and care though. Now I know who to go to for a pep talk. And you've given them to me on Sunday. Thank you, buddy. You're the mostest.
Moistest too. At least if you were a muppet in a downpour.

Chow, P

Dad said...

I dedicate this poem to my three sons, Pirooz, Paiman and Panauh

Universe Is a Hologram of Love

Do the fish know that their are swimming in an ocean?
Do the sun, water, trees...know that they are the source of life on earth?
Why do we beg for a drop when we have an ocean?
Why do mankinds want to conquer the outer space but not the inner space?
Why do we not see another universe when we split the heart of an atom?
What is the reason for this creation?
“Love”
What is holding the universe together?
“Love”
What is the binding force among water molecules?
“Love”
What is in the heart of an atom?
“Love”
What does make a bird to sing?
“Love”
What does make a flower to blossom?
“Love”
What does make a father to run thousand miles without shoes and bring medicine for his dying son?
“Love”
What does make a mountain climber cut his own entrapped arm?
“Love”
Why do people build majestic temples of faith?
“Love”
Why do parents fight with the court to keep their five-year-vegetative daughter alive?
“Love”
What makes me to write this poem?
“Love”
Love is the Law in the visible and invisible worlds
Love is a mysterious universal inner power
Love only sees love
Love only hears love
Love only talks of love
Love only is the cause of love
Love is not about egoic emotionally needs, temporary satisfaction, and about self-interests
Love is not about intellect, reason and knowledge
The more you unconditionally give love to the world the more you will receive love
When you are unconditionally aligned with this universal field of love
Then you do not see any distinction between yourself and the rest of the universe
You are in state of universal oneness, unity and love
Everyone’s heart glowing with the light of love
But also everyone’s egoic mind conditioned to block this light from shinning through
The purpose of sun is to illuminate the earth by its life giving light
The purpose of our love is to recognize the Source of Love and be, like a sun, water or trees, instruments of peace, joy and harmony for the well being all who inhabit our lovely home

Without the sun there will not be life and without love we will not have home!


Happy New Year to you my sons and to you; my brothers and sisters everywhere!

I always Love you,

Dad

Hooshmand Mahmood Kalayeh
hooshmand.kalayeh@itt.com

Pirooz M. Kalayeh said...

Yes, dad. I love you too.

Good to see you here.

Radish King said...

Now I'm pretending that I got an e-mail post from my dad for Christmas.

(sad)

Stacy Elaine said...

oh okay we're talking about agape mc schmopay. gotcha.

Pirooz M. Kalayeh said...

I don't know what to say anymore. Love is as sticky as religion.

I am not talking about chasing love with women. I am talking about chasing love with everyone.

I talk to my Dad. I have a story. I want him to love me. I talk to my brother. I want him to love me. I talk to you. I want you to love me.

"Please love me," my mind hiccups.

Why do I do this to myself? It is an unnecessary harm. It's instant karma, because I argue with the resounding truth that I am alone.

My dad will not die with me. You will not die with me. Only I will live and die by me.

This means I can either accept this fact, or keep pretending like it's not there. That because I have this title that I am a "son" means that I have to need my father's love.

Is this true? Do I need my father's love? I need my father's love to survive?

What if I was already dead? Would I need anything?

Is this mind's perspective any different from a person who believes they are alive?

I don't really know, because I am just beginning to see this light. And it is a light. A light I have known for a long time.

It has come to me in moments. I have held it. I have.

Now it is time for me to look this snake dead in the eye. I want to see if it really is a snake.

What if it's just a rope? What if everything is just a bunch of ropes, and I keep seeing snakes?

What if I know that they are all just ropes, but I keep pretending they are snakes to make me feel better about dying alone?

What if I know that I don't need anyone's love but my own, and yet I let myself get drawn into the story that I do, just because I don't want to disappoint loved ones, who are expecting me to be a certain way?

What is the truth?

The truth is that I have been walking on egg shells around myself. This has nothing to do with anyone but me. And that's okay. I am cool with it. But I also know that I can't ever go back to pretending that I see a snake, when it's just an old, beat-up rope.

I am going to find these ropes. I am going to string them together and fly a kite. I am going to kiss myself goodnight. I am going to have a waffle right now. With milk. Mmmm.


What if I looked no further than myself? What if (like reality) the giving and taking of love was not dependent on anyone else but me. Pirooz as his own heart-shaped Pezz dispensor.

Yes, this is what I am shooting for. This is my New Year's Resolution.

I will look no further than this body, when it comes to love. This body. My body. That's it.

When someone tells me that I'm a dickhead, or that I hurt their feelings. I will look inside myself for the truth, and I will answer--not with a need to be loved, but with my body whole and filled on its own.

I will say:

"Yes, I'm a dickhead." (I can find a moment when I was.)

-or-

"No, I didn't hurt your feelings."

Most of the time, for me, I am stopped short of real truth because of my need for love. Decorum enters the picture, or my story of decorum, or my story of being a son, or a brother, or a husband, or a man, or a heterosexual, you name it.

But no, I will not participate in needing love from anyone but me anymore.

This has been a hard thing for me. Believe me. I really want to integrate this though. I want to own it.

I am done with this story.

I am now looking for it inside me and only me.


I want to wake up in the morning and not look anywhere, but inside myself.