Last Day in Korea

The last day of my Korean adventure is here. So Gee, Mom, and I took our baggage to be checked in at the Kangnam City Airport. Then the ladies got their nails done, while I poked around an Apple store and braved one of those Korean versions of a Supercuts, simply because I didn't want to end up spending money on gadgets I couldn't afford. After my haircut, which lasted about ten nanoseconds, I took the ladies to a Mexican joint, where my Amani (Mom) got to try her first spot of guacamole. "Gooood!" she exclaimed.

"Yes," I agreed in Korean. "Now have a jalepeno."

"Oh!" she scowled. "Spicy!"

"See! Kim chi is spicy for me, but I can eat this stuff all the time."

"Spicy," my Mom shook her head and took another bite. "Spicy."

We are now taking a break while we wait for the whole clan to arrive and see us off.

I don't feel particularly sad to leave Korea, but it will be sad to not be around my new family. They welcomed me like their own and made me feel so loved. I will miss them.

We touch down in Los Angeles at 140 p.m. on February 2nd. If you see me walking Hollywood Boulevard, then come say hi. I'll be the guy with the same smile and heart he had the day he left. Who knows? I might even surprise myself and you. 

I could order a bomb shot with kim chi chegay. 

I could show you the secret of Kyochon's garlic chicken. 

I could handle a cab ride of reckless immensity.  

I could walk up a mountain with boots two sizes too small for my feet. 

I could show you how to make the proper bow to respect one's ancestors.  

I could call you ardishie or agassi, depending on your age. 

I could do five-finger push-ups. 

I could dance to Beyonce's "All the single ladies..." with seven old Korean men. 

I could turn backwards into a dragon on Seorak Mountain. 

I could take the first breadth into a bear made human evolution. 

I could be salt and light walking towards you.

I could be like dust shifts into nothing and something again.  

I could come back as a butterfly inside a caterpillar.

I could eat leaves and bamboo shoots and be given a cover on National Geographic.

I could be in the middle of China in an animal sanctuary.

I could live out my days in black and white.

I could be Audrey Hepburn's favorite coat. 

I could be auctioned at S0theby's for 9 shillings and six pence.

I could end up on a wax stiff at Madame Tartou's museum.

I could be staring at the reflection in the glass.

I could see myself.

I could say, "You're getting old."

I could turn around. 

I could see you.

You could say, "Nah, just starting to get ripe."

We could be Greta and Garbo.

We could be the subject of fantasy.

We could outsell Harry Potter.

We could get a six figure deal.

We could go on a diet.

We could make an 'S' shape.

We could claim insanity.

We could draw it with out fingers.

We could keep going until we snapped.

We could see Sunflowers again.

We could paste back an ear.

We could make two halves into a heart.

We could point to the sky.

We could say epooda and saranghayo and olmayo.

We could go for broke and open a pub in the Phillipines.

We could head to Tirinidad in search of Derek Walcott.

We could start a protest and lie in bed.

We could dream of bulls in Spain and vials of mestizo.

We could let tractor blades up-turn the earth like commas of red silk.

We could collect miniature flags in Beijing.

Winter Trip to Kyungju

So Gee and Ama chillin'.

-6 degrees Celsius!

Challenged to do 50 squats by Opa!



Breakfast in Kyung ju.

Family Dinner, 2009

My family got together at a traditional Korean restaurant to bring in the New Year. We started with bows to our elders, then proceeded to make speeches of gratitude. I was selected to speak on behalf of So Gee and myself. 

"When I first became a part of this family, I didn't know what to expect. But your kind and generosity have made it clear that I am lucky to be part of such a wonderful group of people. I truly appreciate how each of you has made me feel loved and welcome. It is my hope that although So Gee and I will be in America very soon, we will still get to make annual visits back to Korea to be with this family. I hope your New Years are filled with joy and happiness. Thank you for letting me speak." 

The youngest of the family will not talk to any men except her father. Everyone is mesmerized by her extreme lovability. 

Outside the restaurant was a natural spring frozen in winter. 

My brother and sister-in-law contemplate whether I will be able to eat the spicy food that is soon to arrive.

My mother-in-law makes jokes at everyone's expense. I am given translations at times. Other times I simply watch everything take place, trying to pick up phrases or gestures to clue me in on the comedies transpiring.

So Gee is eating, so she is in heaven.

I enjoy the bean soup. I drink my tea. The spicy things that come later are difficult to swallow. I do so though. I smile. I feel my stomach gurgle. I smile again.

I didn't expect to be transformed into a Pomeranian from the spicy food. It happens though. The kim chi here has a bite to it.

Festivities 2009

We had fun on New Year's. Unfortunately, there were no photos that evening. It took us a few days to remember a camera, but, once we did, I did manage to catch a few photos of So Gee, Kaivon, and I in party mode.

Kaivon was a hit wherever we went. The Koreans loved that he was so tall and wore Pradas. Actually, I don't think anyone noticed his shoes. They did love that he sang over six songs in a row at a Norabong in Apujung though. 

"Most would stop after five," one Korean told me.

"Yes," another agreed. "It is impressive when one goes over four." 

Loren managed to join us for galbi later in the night. The photo (above) is the result of Kaivon telling us to not act crazy in the photo. Loren and I both took cue from that. 

Then Kaivon expounded on his month long motorcycle trek across China. We were all flabbergasted as we learned how he managed to obtain gasoline when he ran out over the Himalayas.

"Dude," he said, "I had to walk my bike back down the mountain. I just asked around if anyone had any gasoline. Finally, I managed to hail a truck down. I expected him to get out a container when he said he had some, but, instead, he just pulled out a hose and siphoned gas into my tank with his mouth. I was like, 'Uh, thanks.' Another time I ran out of gas and I got hand delivered Pepsi cans filled with petrol from the locals."

I think Kaivon had a good time in Seoul. We got to fuel a friendship that has been seventeen years in the making. Who knows? Maybe the next time we meet will be jumping out of an airplane. 

Namsan Tower (Seoul Tower)

We decided to brave the minus six degrees centigrade and climb the Namsan Tower during Kaivon's visit from Hong Kong.

It was difficult to stand still for any photos because it was so cold, but I did manage to snap this shot of So Gee and Kaivon. I think I remember being told to "hurry up" seven times in the time it took me to take one picture. 

Once inside, the story was different. Everyone was willing to take a pose, as jackets and hats were removed in favor of making faces and staring out at the city of Seoul. 

So Gee pointed out where we were in relation to our homes. It was strange to see that I lived in such a small area of city. "That's Seoul," I thought. "I am ready to go somewhere a little more green." 

It was buildings as far as the eye could see. 

Homosexuality in Asia & Other Student Presentations

I have just finished teaching my last semester in Korea. I am thankful for the experience. Everyone was very kind and open to my involvement. Who knows? Maybe, there will be an academic life in my future. You never know. For now, I can say I enjoyed helping students become more confident English speakers. It was fun to watch them plan a vacation to an English speaking country, debate, and make films as funny as "Dooyoung Blaine: Younger Brother of David" and "Does Bungee Jumping Make You Taller?" 

The humor was as fun to be part of as the many serious discussions we've had this semester, from the controversial image-based questions about why people follow trends and diet, to the problems with environmental pollution. Sometimes I brought these issues to the forefront; and, at other times, they were raised by student presentations. On one such occasion, Team Greunchel (pictured above), brought up the issue of homosexuality and its acceptance within Korea. Through a series of surveys and experiments, the team unveiled a country full of misgivings.  

I certainly didn't expect a conservative country like South Korea to rank high as a homosexually-friendly environment, but I was surprised to see just how far the country was from such a proposition. According to the students' surveys (pictured above), 87% of those questioned said no one among them was openly homosexual. In addition, 87% said they would not be able to be friends with someone who was a homosexual. To top it off, nearly 98% of students questioned felt that they would not be able to adapt within Korean society if they were a homosexual. 

Other presentations included impersonations of yours truly (see Seung Boom pictured above), personal love stories, and ten pieces that dealt with the pressures of Sooneung, sometimes referred to as the Korean SAT. 

"[South Korea] changes flight schedules, adds extra buses, and delays stock market openings [so test takers are not interrupted on the day of the exam]" Min Jeong, the narrator in the clip (above), explains."Some students even kill themselves trying to deal with the [stress of taking the exam]."

The Korean SAT, or Sooneung, is an exam that dictates the future school, status, and job a student will have upon high school graduation. Because it is so important, some students take off an entire year to study for the exam. To the truly hard-pressed or insane, depending on your perspective, there are also special live-in programs, where students lock themselves up until exam time. 

In the clip (above) a student breaks their right arm a week before the exam, and has to complete the entire thing with his bad hand. Students ooh-ed and aaah-ed over the presentation. The Sooneung exam is such a big issue in this country that a simple mention of it will draw sighs and empathetic nods of understanding from bystanders. Who knows? It might be a good topic for a film (wink, wink). 

I love this piece (above) about a young lover being inspired by the film, "Men of Honor". It was thoughtful, well-delivered, and honest. A common theme among a majority of the presentations this semester. It makes me want to give everyone an A. Who knows? Maybe, I will.

Gratitude and Celebrations

This is what happens when other people try to take a picture of me with my camera. 

I think my camera doesn't like them and sabotages the photos.

Notice that I said "I think" and that all my thoughts could begin with the phrase "I think", but that inherent within each thought is the contradiction of whether I know the statement is true.

What is he talking about? 

No worries. Let's move along, shall we? 

So Gee and I got to witness an egagement in the making as Jen and Andy tied the knot. Here we are in Tiffany's. They gave us orange juice in paper cups to taost the event. I am not sure why.

Here was my advice to the lovebirds:

"Isn't life easy? You just do it," I say.

"We need a house and wedding and so many other things though," Jen says.

"That's easy. You're in Korea. They have wedding banquet halls working like a McDonald's Drive-thru. Just have a big wedding, invite lots of friends to get lots of money, get money from your parents, put key money down on a house, make babies, and die."

"Sounds easy."

"I told you."

So Gee helped them pick their rings. I also hear that Andy got down on one knee for the occasion. This is a big thing to Korean women. If a man does this, he's a keeper. 

I also think Andy is pretty cool because he was emcee for a popular hip-hop group in Korea, but he doesn't tell anybody, but rips it up when it is time at a Karaoke bar. 

 

I went to a couple Thanksgiving parties this week. One was located near Itaehwon and these rows upon rows of kim chi pots. I had to get a picture of their immensity. I like taking pictures of things when there is a lot of them. 

Then I took a picture of So Gee. She paused for a moment to admire the kim chi pots, then hopped into a cab before I could even put my camera away.

That's okay. I looked at pics from earlier in the night as I walked down the street to Samgakji.

Here is Sharif. He challenged me to games on the Nintendo Wii. I was up for the challenge. 

"I am in control," Sharif said, as he selected the VS. mode on Mario Kart. "I am the control."

"That's good," I said.

"You are about to lose badly," he said.

"Okay," I said.

"I am in control and you will lose. I am just telling you. This is the way it is. I am in control. You will lose. I am just letting you know."

"I just won the last race."

"I am telling you now."

The race ends. I come in second. Steve comes in first place. Sharif places ninth.

"You lost," I said. 

"Something is wrong," Sharif shouts and points at Steve. "He is doing TV interference. He is doing something. I have not figured it out, but there is something happening. He has some trick."

Steve and I are laughing. We cheers to ourselves from the paper cups of Bombay Sapphire and tonic.

"First," I say to Steve.

"Second," he says to me.

We both look at Sharif. Then we raise our glasses in unison. "Ninth!" we laugh.

"No!" Sharif shouts. "He is doing some kind of trick. This can't be happening. I am in control. I am the first. I should have won. This can't be happening."

"Okay," I say. "Let's play again."

We play for about an hour more. Sharif never gets above fourth. It is a pleasant time to be one with a video game.

Here are David and Steve. They are about to play Family Feud and get rowdy. I did not participate. I just kept playing the Nintendo Wii. I liked it too much. In fact, I would even buy it if I had time to play it, and it wasn't so outrageously expensive.

Earlier in the week, my students and I worked on their final projects for the semester. Lydia, Jin San, and Jyu Ree (above) are in Team Kripsy Kremes. They have already filmed their documentary of two different food locations and conducted a survey with their talent and the patrons. Who knows? It might be a fun thing to watch. We'll see.

Here is the coup de grace. I think they are a very becoming couple. I wish them lots of happiness, warm nights, and love. 

Unicorn Years, Humar War Film Update, Imaginative Writing Workshop, and Sam Gay Tang Joint

I made another painting. It took me about two months. I had to paint in between doing other things. I probably would have finished in two weeks if I didn't have so much going on. Who knows? Maybe, paintings need to take two months to finish. In any case, it looks a lot better in person. I'll have to buy some good lights to take a picture of this one. The fluorescents keep reflecting off certain parts of it. 

Thomas and I have a deadline to finish the final draft of The Human War script. We are then set to finalizing a budget, showing it to Noah, and then casting actors. If you are interested in being part of the film, let me know. Our goal is to make this be as much a community project as it is a professional film set. Don't you love that? I do.  

I went into Loren's "Imaginative Writing" workshop this week. The class was so relaxed and fun. Loren said he wanted me to come all the time. He also told me that I say "sort of" too much. I told him it was because I was suffering from "language deterioration". 

"I've been in Asia too long," I said. "You ever feel like that?"

"My language has been deteriorating for years," Loren laughed.

I sincerely doubt him. Both he and his students are turning out some wonderful work into the world. I'll be curious what they're doing when I visit again towards the end of the semester. Who knows? Maybe, I could offer a class on social commentary in art without saying anything at all. I wonder if the students would like something like that. Who knows? I have no idea.  

I wonder how Jim Goar is doing. I haven't talked to him in a month. Last I heard, another issue of Past Simple came out. I would like to hear how his adventures in England are going. That would be nice.

I talked to my brother on google chat. He is ready for me to come to L.A.. He also says he'll help with the soundtrack of the film. That would be great.

So Gee's Mom and Aunt took me out to a Sam Ga Tang (chicken soup) joint on Sunday. It is supposed to be the best place in Seoul. It was pretty good. The chicken was soaked in a broth filled with scallions and ginseng roots, and you could amp up the spice with these pickled radishes drenched in red pepper paste.

"No," So Gee's mom said to me, and pointed at the radishes. "No!"

I like it when she treats me like a five year old. It makes me feel loved. It was even better when they all decided to visit my tiny apartment.

"Uh," I said. "I need to clean."

"Yes!" So Gee said, with a worried look. "It's too messy!"

I looked at my new Mother-In-Law and Aunt. They didn't know what So Gee just said. They were just looking at me like I was about to do something extraordinary. They couldn't possible be discouraged by a bit of messiness. Who knows? Having seven family members in a tiny 500 square foot studio might be fun. It would certainly be memorable.

"Okay," I declared. "Let's go hang out at my apartment!"

My mother-in-law and aunt were thrilled at the announcement. They sat on either side of me on the car ride. Each took one of my hands in theirs, stroked the hair on my hands, and made jokes about the possibility of bugs.

"How do you keep him clean?" my mother-in-law joked to So Gee. 

"He takes two showers a day," So Gee said in my defense.

"Maybe, there are still bugs," my aunt snickered in Korean, and examined my hand more closely.

I smiled.  It is fun to be loved by two doting mothers.

"Have you ever been with two women?" So Gee's mom joked in Korean.

"This is my first time," I said.

When we got to my place, I just played them slideshows of photos I had taken on our last family trip and a smattering of a film called "Air Guitar Nation". They dug the photos. They even asked for copies, so I made those for them. Then they asked me to perform on the guitar. I played a couple songs. They were disappointed. They wanted me to play "Yesterday" by the Beatles and "Imagine" by John Lennon. I didn't know them. I told them I would learn the songs and play them next time.

"Imagine," my aunt said with a pout. "John Lennon!"

"Okay," I said. "Next time."

I learned both songs today. I am much better at playing "Yesterday" so far. I'll have to practice "Imagine" a couple hundred more times. That'll be good. I like learning songs. They're so easy. I've barely ever done it. Might as well learn a bunch to please the In-Laws and other folks who aren't willing to hear original things. And I completely understand. People want to sing along. They want a radio station that is live. I can do that. I am not here to destroy all cover bands. That was a former identity. I am now here to support cover bands in their quest for world domination. I will even play in one when I get back to Los Angeles. I think I'd like it to be a Pirooz Kalayeh cover band. What would that sound like? Hmmm...

I already know what they'd be called: Best Cover Band Ever - For Realz! or BCBEFR! for short.

Not Too Old to Get a Foot Massage

This week I gave birth to a baby boy. I named him Andromeda. We were together for about 17 seconds. Then I disowned him. I decided babies are not cute anymore. I don't want one. I would rather go and get plastered with So Gee. So I did. I drank an ecstatic mix of endorphins and chocolate and ran off to Itaehwon, where dreams come true. 

First, we watched some little girls performing at a local festival. This only affirmed my aversion for children and their disgusting nature. 

"A blaspheme upon you!" I cried in a fashion one might have cried during the original Continental Congress. "A pox upon you, you young malcontents! You rapscallions! I shall be drunk and wear you as a dress..."

So my speech continued into the night. I don't think I stopped talking like one of the founding fathers, until we breached the walls of the Hard Rock Cafe, and I felt a bit of Elvis-snarl curl under my lips.

I had never been to the Hard Rock Cafe with So Gee. In fact, I don't think we had been out for a night of drinking since last December. 

"I like doing this with you," So Gee told me.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"This," she said. "Going out."

"I like going out," I said.

"You do?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said.

We had a margarita, apple crisp, and lemon drops, while we watched a Korean rock act mangle Radiohead and The Pixies.

"They're pretty good," I said. "They just need to turn up those guitars. And that singer. I can't tell what language he is singing in. Is it Korean?"

"No," So Gee listened for a moment. "Is it English?"

"No," I said. "He must be Martian."

"I drank too much," So Gee said, as she looked at the assortment of food and drinks in front of her. "Oh, I am so drunk. I am drunk. Oh my God! I drank so much."

"Okay," I said. "Let's go then."

"Oh, where do you want to go? What do you want to do? You want to dance? We can go to J.J.'s!"

"Where's that?"

"It's at the Grand Hyatt-"

"No, that's too far. I'm tired. What time is it?"

"It's 9:30."

"That's it?"

"Yeah," So Gee laughed. "We're getting old."

"You're getting old," I grimaced. "I'm just getting started."

I walked five steps in a brave and resolute way. Then I stopped abruptly.

"I'm tired," I said. "Let's go home."

"Okay," So Gee said. 

She held my hand. We walked for a half a mile. Then a cab picked us up. 

The next day we met at a U.S. Military Base in Seoul for a cookout. It was like a fourth of July back home. So Gee and I even wore matching cowboy outfits. We hadn't planned on doing that, but everyone thought we did. 

"Oh, you're so matchie!" So Gee's Korean friends said.

"Yes," So Gee smiled. "We planned it telepathically."

I didn't do much at the event. It was nice to talk to Americans. Some had just gotten off commissions in Ethiopia or Brazil. One was going to work for the United Nations. Their lives seemed interesting and fulfilled. I even felt pleasant enough to let those who were enamored with the hair on my arms to pet me like a chihuahua - a popular pastime among Koreans who haven't ever seen foreigners. I think it was more of a joke in this case. Who knows? It doesn't really matter. I like petting zoos too. You should have seen what happened when it was my turn. 

On Sunday, we had a nice tennis adventure, brunch, and luxuriant Chinese massage. My brother and sister-in-law came down for the occasion. It was a nice experience. We played tennis for an hour, got in a taxi that went over 3,000 miles an hour, and chatted about So Gee's wiping adventures as a youngster. 

"When I was little," So Gee said. "My mother used to wipe me."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I was like a baby. My mom helped me after poo."

"Okay," I said. 

"Once, I was in the bathroom, and I needed someone to wipe me and my mom wasn't there. 'Dong!' I yelled in Korean. That's Korean for poo. 'Dong!' My cousin came running into the bathroom. He looked around and didn't know what to do. I explained to him that I needed him to wipe me. And he did it. But it was not a good wipe. It was not like this." 

So Gee held her hand outstretched as if she had some imaginary TP and scraped it across my forearm in a vigorous sandpaper-like motion.

"Ow!" I yelped. "Jeez!"

"Sorry," So Gee laughed. "But he didn't wipe me that good. It was like this."

So Gee barely touched my stomach in a up-wipe motion.

"Like that."

"Okay."

"When I get together with my cousin, we always laugh about how I screamed dong at him and he didn't know what to do." 

Ken and Jin enjoyed the story immensely.

"We have not heard a story like that in quite sometime," they said in unison. "We must reciprocate with a story of our own."

"Hear, hear!" we all said in response.

Then it was on. They told us a tale about the three dragons who were blind and made cheese for a living. I had heard it once before, but it was still a tale that filled me with joy and merriment. It was the perfect precursor to a Chinese massage. That's right! Nothing says beat and knead me to death like a Lorenzo & Sons pizza on South Street than a story about three dragons making cheese. 

I think everyone liked the massage. They were all sleeping as I sat there wide awake in pain. Those Chinese masseuses sure know how to pretzel the body into various contortions. My legs were literally lifted and stretched as if I was a child, and then - to my amazement - one of the masseuses got on my back and used their feet to activate pressure points. It was like getting a massage from a gymnast. I waited for the time when the masseuse was going to do a one and a half for his perfect landing. Thankfully, no one was killed during the making of this blog post.

 

The owner was convinced I was an actor from a Kung Fu film. He asked for my picture. I told him I would give it to him if we could get massages for free. Miraculously, he agreed. 

It's amazing what a person can accomplish with a little gusto.