I am about to embark on an adventure known as P90X. I did the 10 Minute Trainer videos last summer. Now that I am approaching my one year anniversary of quitting smoking, I think I'll be able to do this. Man, I am so excited! I am just going to rock this thing out of the park! I am going to take before and after pictures! I am going to get to be on those infomercials. It's going to be great. I can really see it. I am like there--in my mind already. Like--poof! There! 

[Pirooz sits on the steps next his cumbersome box of health. He looks it up and down narrowly. He wonders if this is the right choice. He wonders...] 

That box is pretty big! I don't know... 

I think I'll be able to do it if I have an amulet. That's all it'll take. Just ask Merlin for a little something out of his top hat. That'll get things rolling. Yes!! I will rock an amulet. I'll be like the Lancelot of P90X. Watch out! Give me some dumbbells! I am ready!!!

Does anyone have an amulet? Where do you get one? No, seriously. Is there a place to go? Like one of those magic stores? Do I call someone? Hold on...

I just Googled "amulets" and "magical". You are not going to believe this! I can totally make an amulet myself. I can choose the color, construct it, and even inscribe it with "magical alphabets". I am so going to rock this. Shit, I can even consecrate this bad boy with a ceremony of my choosing. Oh, yeah!! 

I can see the ceremony now. I am like lying down on my bed. It's raining outside. I'm just lying there like totally chill. The amulet is around my neck. I get my parents to chant. They're like: "Oh, great amulet from distant lands. We believe in your abilities. Give us your powers to make this young man feel younger and practice doing the P90X."

Then Sogee walks up in the same outfit as Princess Leia wore in Return of the Jedi. That would so be the bomb! I am doing it right now. I am like knitting that outfit. I can learn how to knit in like what--10 minutes. Shit, you will not see a better knitter, than a guy who is ready to get his Princess Leia Jedi on. You better believe it. 

So how do I learn how to knit?  I guess I could Google that too. Jeez, I am beat. I've got to do all this work now. This is going to take a while--a princess Leia suit, teaching my parents how to consecrate the amulet, designing the amulet, and then doing the P90X. It's going to take a while. Man, I don't feel like doing anything. Okay. We'll see. I am up. I am going to rock it. I am looking up Leia costumes on the Web...

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