Most people get envious when their siblings get to see Radiohead at the Spectrum. Personally, I am not much of a concert goer. I can also say that I wouldn't need Oxygen, or suffer a fainting spell should I miss an NBA game with Kobe Bryant. I just don't care for people who wear fancy shoes or sweat for a living. I do enjoy watching dramatic tennis matches though. I especially like seeing underdogs like Jimmy Connors play. But my favorite things to watch are charity tennis matches. They are also what make me most envious of my brother. Just think he got to see Will Ferrell and Mats Wilander square off with Andy Richter as an umpire. That's up there with Bobbie Riggs playing the chavunist card to raise some cash and challenge Billie Jean King to a "Battle of the Sexes" match and losing. Okay. Well, it wasn't that great. Yet in mind it seems really good. I can see the match being funny and I am curious about the serves. Did Ferrell raise his back leg? Was he totally drunk?
I would like to be in a non-celebrity charity match. If anyone wants to play me at Pittford Mendon High School at 9 a.m. on Saturday, I am game. You can bring your older brother, sister, or even a gaggle of U.S. Open retirees. I am willing to play all comers. If you just want to watch me hit a wall or something because no one shows up, then that can be arranged as well. There are nice grassy banks by the wall, where you can relax and see me hit the wall 30 or 40 times with a zsig-zag ball before I miss, and when or if I do, we can chat about other things as I pick up the ball. You could ask about my love for Courtney Love (she is great), or the best way to end an unhappy marriage (buy a shotgun), or even the simplest path to getting home from the high school (make a left down Route 64). I am in my element and I am ready. Any takers?