Half-Car-Half-Man

Losing a dog must be a hard thing. Just got word that Jesse's Habibe passed away. That made me sad. Then I thought about it: I've known that dog for seven years.

I don't think I could get a dog and have it die on me. I would be too upset. I wouldn't be able to get another. They should make dogs last as long as you do. Why hasn't someone built one of those already?

Now we are moving into cloning possibilities...

I don't think I would clone myself. I wouldn't do it for a magic trick like Hugh Jackman. I wouldn't do it for science. I wouldn't do it for my mom or dad. I wouldn't even do it for me. I just don't think I could handle me. I'm high maintenance. I would have to worry about feeding , fixing, and fighting two of me. That's hard enough with one.

If I were to clone something, I would clone my plants. I can't seem to make them work. They don't function like I want.

Maybe, I could genetically engineer plants to function more like electronics.


If I did, I would want the calcular version of my plants. I would want it to perform like those calculator watches from the late 80's that would play "The Entertainer" and "The Star Trek Theme Song".

What happened to those watches?

Maybe, I need a calculator watch. I could buy one that looked like a plant. It could stretch out over my arms, and compete with my hair, as it sprawled itself past my shoulders and onto my chest. That would be nice. Then my watch would be a plant that then became me. I would be half-plant-watch and half-me.

People would probably call me "Cream" like the Prince song, because that's what I play through my veins every hour on the hour. I would even make girls (and boys - woohoo!) cream themselves with the luscious grooves that would emanate from the subwoofers attached to my elbows.

With all these electronic parts, I could be a car.

Then it would be easy to clone me. They do that all the time with cars. There could be hundreds of me with subwoofers making people cream their pants. There would even be so much creaming that people would forget what it was like to have someone try to make them cream without subwoofers. Girls would be like, "Where are your subwoofers?" And guys would be like, "Yeah, wehr are you subwoofers."

I think I would pollute the planet if I was a car. I think that would be a problem if I were a robot. I would probably emit some kind of carsinogen that would be harmeful to plants, trees, and other people around me. Congress would make a proclamation and ban the production of me. I would have to walk 15 feet away from eating establishments to start my engine. I would not be thought of favorably. People would disapprove, and pretty soon, no matter how loudly I played Prince on my subwoofers, no one would cream themselves.

That would be a sad story. I am tired of sad stories. I think I'll just clone myself as I am. I don't need to be a plant or a car. I can just be me. I can pollute the earth as me.

I can't do it. I thought I could. I'm open to it, but I can't. If I were a person that had it all together, and two of me would make the world a better place, then, maybe, I would consider cloning myself; but, as it stands, I am just too much of a douche bag.

I wonder why people can be douche bags. You'd think they would want to be something else. I can't help it though. Every time someone wants to get competitive with me, I want to destroy them, and then I feel sick to my stomach. I've tried to stop it, but, lately, I can't master it. I think I need a sandbox. I think I need a timeout. I think I need a woman. I think I need an answer. I think a lot.

For the next five minutes I will not think of anything. If you want to talk to me, just pretend I am a biodiesel plant - I am not doing
anything.