Television Wet Dream, Squid and the Whale, The Desert Rose, Ecstasy Proclamation

Last night, I had a dream I was writing an episode of Friends. It was a Thanksgiving episode. Joey and Chandler were doing their usual schtick. Then Joey says a line that sounds a bit off. It was way too smart for his character.

Chandler and him look at each other. They don't know where to go. It's a standstill. The whole show just stops.

This got me excited. It got me thinking too. I wondered what would happen if I inserted lines into every sitcom. They could be slightly off, but just barely. Just enough to make characters aware of their patterns. That would be fun. Woody from Cheers could turn to Norm and say, "Sometimes when I'm alone I read Kafka in the dark."

Frasier looks at Rebecca Howl and says, "Talk dirty to me."

Vin Diesel is a physicist.

John Malkovich stars in Harry Potter. He recites Shakespeare. He does snippets from Chekhov.

Yeah, that would be fun.

Not as good as Squid and the Whale though. That was my first movie in a long time. I saw it with Paiman and John. We were all pretty blown away. It also got the gears turning. I don't like seeing bad movies. I am done with the usual blockbusters. I have no interest in Friends or television. I've decided. I'm going to watch indie films from now on. I am going to write more books. I got to have a better way to entertain myself.

I don't want to see things dressed down. I don't want to be bored. It's got to be good. It's got to move me. It's got to be life and death.

Allison has got it right. It's time to raise the stakes. It's time to give all you got. It's time to start a fire. It's high time for a duel.

You and me, Mr. President. You and me, Mr. Corporation. You and me, Mr. World. I got some scissors. I am going to cut.

Here is the window.

I am making Joey smarter. I am standing on Harry Potter's shoulders. I am handing out awards. I am the new Indiana Jones. I am the new Oscar. Here you go, Christian. You make Abraham Lincoln proud. Here you go, Dacheaux way to 'little bit, little bit, boom!' It's all changing. Don't sweat it, Paiman. Don't sweat it Hooshmand. Don't sweat it Panauh. Don't sweat it Letisha. Don't sweat it anybody. I am turning everything upside down. I am conjuring magic. I am Houdini. I am the rabbit. I am going to celebrate. It's time to celebrate! This is reality. This is so much more real than television. This is the world today. This is my window.

Here are some scissors. Cut yourself a piece. Pass it on. I'll meet you in Study Hall. I'll draw you a picture. It's one of Degas's ballerinas. It's a Kandinsky original. It's Keith Haring on the N uptown. It's Picasso's Guernica. It's me looking at you. It's you looking at me. It's the end of all things. It's the beginning of your life. It's Enlightenment in a Box. It's Whopper Strategies. It's the Blood Red Skies of Shikow. It's Burt Kristbaum. It's Tanto. It's Mmmm. It's Zen. It's world. It's me.

Here you go, Ed Sanders. Here you go, Ann. Here you go Bobbie. Here you go Stegners. Here you go Moksha. Here you go shamans. Here you go Sufis. Here you go Christian. Here you go Lincoln. Cut a piece. Open this window. What do you see?

What are you going to do?