A strange newness

My body is going through a strange newness. I am not sure if this has to do with getting over the flu or what. I feel different though.

Tonight I went to bed at 6PM. I literally could not keep my eyes open. Now I am awake at midnight. What is going on?

The last time I had this sleeping schedule it was novel time. I am thinking about the novel, but not really writing. I have actually been reading THE SECRET GARDEN by FRANCES HODGSON BURNETT. I like it very much. The set-up especially. I love that Mary has to learn how to make friends with those around her; how she realizes she is sour and disagreeable after receiving love from the robin, Martha, the gardener, and Dickon. It really is a timeless book.

I feel like Mary. Dickon too. Even Martha. (Is that how I know a good book? When you can see yourself in every character, or the author as every character? I wonder.)

...

2. My Worst Day

“Hey you,” the voice said, “with the can.”

“Yeah,” I said.

“Can you dance?”

I picked up my foot. It came down with a crash. I could see the water move. It was in a puddle. It was next to my foot. I liked the way water moved. I wished I could move like water. I couldn’t though. Believe me. I tried. The other day I lied down on the grass. I pretended like I was the ocean. I moved my stomach up and down. It felt good. I couldn’t move everything at the same time though. It just looked like I was breathing.

“What are you doing?” Lisa asked.

I told her I was the ocean.

She lied down next to me. She held my hand. We were best friends. It felt good to be there with her. She made my chest feel real big. It felt like the ocean. I told her we didn’t need to move anything. We were doing pretty good just lying there.

“Yeah,” she said.

Then she said it.

“I’m moving.”

“Where?” I asked.

“Far away,” she said.

I was pretty sad. I thought we were going to be together forever.

“No,” she told me. “I’m moving.”

We lied there on the grass. We were oceans. We were 12 years in the making. We were stars. Now we were sad. I looked up at the sidewalk. I could see some ants through the blades of grass. I reached up and touched one. So did Lisa. She was just like me. She was my best friend. I was going to miss her real bad.

“Yeah,” she said. “Me too.”

I walked her home. Then I went home. I thought about dancing. I didn’t know if I could move like an ocean. It was hard. Oceans are pretty big. They are a lot like space. I couldn’t even imagine being space. That was a lot bigger. I wondered how space moved. I lied down on the picnic table. I pretended I was space. I didn’t move at all. I just felt everything moving inside me. I could feel my heart. It was loud in my ear. I could feel my stomach. Then I felt something fly through me. I think it was a comet. Maybe, it was a star. I imagined I could feel the Earth. I could feel Lisa. She felt like the ocean. I stayed like that for a while. I didn’t even hear myself crying. I was space. I just lied there. I didn’t move at all.