Shikow: Hong Kong, Part One

Hong Kong is like a piece of gum on your shoe. It looks good from far off, but you don't want to really chew it. At least not in the open air of its incredibly humid summers. I could barely breathe it was so hot in the city. I think I walked about five feet before I was ready for a shower when I got there on Friday.

Sogee, on the other hand, was determined to improve her math scores by squaring her wardrobe several times over. I was used to the experience by now, so I joked that I was one of the best personal assistants on the planet.

"Paris Hilton couldn't do better," I said.

"Ha-ha! That's funny," she joked. "Now I want to go to this shop."

"Which one?"

"That one!" she said and pointed to a shop we were passing fairly quickly in a rickety taxi cab.

"Well, let's get out," I said.

"Here?"

"If that's where you want to shop."

Sogee got some shoes straight off. Then we headed into the Times Square area of Hong Kong. I got an unfortunate haircut, while she managed to hit French Connection. I continued my duties as chief assistant. I carried all the bags and made my requisite comments after each entrance and exit into the women's dressing room: "I like the line!" "You're boobs are too small!" "That says hooker with a capital G."

"Hooker doesn't begin with G."

"Exactly," I said.

"Sometimes you are so weird."

"That's okay," I said. "I still like the orange dress better."

We went for a massage later. Then we were off to Macau. From what I had heard, Macau was some type of resort area of China. It's actually just a mini-Las Vegas. You check into a posh hotel, order room service, walk through smokey casinos, and get cold from all the air conditioning.

In order to get to Macau, we took a ferry from Hong Kong. Kaivon warned us every step of the way that we needed to remember our passports. I remembered mine, so did the Sogee. But he forgot to remind his girlfriend. She got stuck in some cubicle, while Kaivon had to fly back to Hong Kong by helicopter to get her passport. I thought that was pretty James Bond, until I saw the car outside our hotel.