Heading Out

It was a great soiree last night. Thank you to everyone for all the wonderful emails, goodies, and best wishes. It was a thrill to have such a great send off. Please stay in touch through iM or ichat. My AOL screen name is burtkristbaum. I am a world famous paleontologist and explorer. I write comic books, head the Geo-Division of the POA, and will be taking a trip to a place you might know...


Letter 8.704
Re: The Real Wizard

Dear P.,

It’s the Kid. The real wizard with words. Just wanted to let you know I talked to FW about the book. I told him I had better things to do. That pissed him off. Got him talking numbers too. I haggled until I saw his ears go red. That’s when I knew I had him. Told him we were going to do things our way. No choking the canary or nothing. If it came out stiff, like, “What the hell they talking about?” That was fine with us.

He didn’t like that. Didn’t say so either. Figured he was still gagging on the digits. Told him to call me when he remembered how to speak canary. Then I bolted. He never called or nothing. Just wanted to let you know.

Whiskers and Kittens,

The Kid


Letter 2.456
Re: Mary

Dear Kid,

Thanks for your letter. What can I say? You’re a real wizard with numbers too. I’ll talk to FW. I’m sure he’ll go for it. He knows how good you are.

I’m at the hostel. Come stop by.

Warm Woolen Mittens,


Letter 2.421
Re: Chump 6.12


Start the book with a crossword. That’ll get people really into it. Then you can have some poems. I’ll work on the crossword. It’ll have all the good words. The ones you need. You know the ones.

Catch Ya,

The Kid

P.S. I got me a bad case of whooping crane. Some bum on the 6.12 tried to pull me for a chump. I settled him quick though. Here’s a poem about it.

“Chump 6.12”

Try to play me?
Ain’t no way.
No way.
I got me a clean grill.

Try to flip me?
Ain’t no way.
Not today, babe.
I got me a silver tooth.

Try to cheat me?
Ain’t no way.
I seen it all.
Got me some magic.

Turn bread into butter,
Bees from a queen
Shucks, I shook it.
Now I’m clean.

Got me a clean grill.
Got me a silver tooth.
Got me some magic.
Shucks, I shook it.
Now I’m clean.


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