Today I went hiking with my dad. We heaaded up a trail in Griffith Park. About halfway he turns to me and says, "I have to use the bathroom."

"Number 1 or 2?" I ask.

"Number 4," he says.

***

We spend the rest of the hike philosophizing about life and spirituality.

"I want to make a connection with you," he says. "Remember this Star Wars?"

"Yeah."

"Why did Darth Vader become Darth Vader?"

"Because he was manipulated by the Emperor."

"You see? Life is like this. We are manipulated by the Emperor."

***

I am not sure what to do at this point. I am feeling like George Bailey. In fact, I just watched "It's a Wonderful Life" for the 36th time. It's my favorite movie. I get emotional every screening.

Tonight I got to the end where Clarence writes: "A man who has friends is not a failuire" - and I thought, "Maybe, I'm a failure. I don't have too many friends. Then I realized at least I have a few. I also got me. That's enough."

Then I thought about what life would be like if I'd never been born. What would be different? Have I maade a difference? Have I helped people enough? Have I been a good enough friend to my friends?

I hope so. If I haven't, I apoligize. I do my very best.

Sometimes I disappear. I have to be in solitude. I have to sit with myself. I don't know why this happens, but it does. I've grown to accept this about myself.

There really isn't any other choice.

_______________


meeting aliens is like meeting a bike for the first time.