DL - Obviously, my long post didn't communicate to you.
I didn't mean to offend you. It's very easy to miscommunicate on a blog. All I was saying was think outside your box. But, fuck it! It doesn't really matter. Don't give my words so much power. If you're able to put yourself out there no matter a positive or negative remark, you'll be better off for it. And the funny thing is, that all you saw was negative in my comments. Honestly, that wasn't my intention. I play devil's advocate to my friends in conversations and in critiques. It's not about taking away drive or passion, but to catalyze a deeper intention.
Writing is like enlightenment. People think it takes years. It doesn't. Writing and Enlightenment are already yours. There's nothing you have to do.
If anything, comments that challenge a person who already feels that they are in shackles, can do one of three things: 1. make the shackles heavier, lighter, or non-existant.
From having an internet relationship with you for over a year and a half, I thought you would take my comments like friends I have known personally for that long. That's my mistake. If I had known that any of my comments would have hurt you, I wouldn't have said them. I was responding like I do in a workshop. That's what I thought was happening.
There is also a lot of miscommunication going on. People I know personally would get what I was saying right away. I thought you would too. When I ask if a person is just writing pretty poems, for a particular audience, or any other external other. I am simply asking who the audience is. It is a question; not an accusation. Because :), we all right for different audiences. There's no escaping that audiences do come up. It does for everyone.
I believe there can be a deepening in writing that happens when you let the audiences, alter ego's, and personal critics in your mind go bye-bye. From my perspective, I wanted to offer an honest take. I wanted to ask the question. I ask it of myself, and I ask it of other writers. It is not an implication or a separatist position. We are all trying to do our best with writing. It's new every time. And everytime we have different things that will launch us on the page.
My biggest mistake with you was thinking that you weren't writing without an audience in mind to begin with. This is my presumptious behaviour, and it is not fair to you or your writing. I can't know in any way if you are writing for another audience or not. If I have offended you by being presumptious, I apoligize. I really do want to encourage all artists around me.
I know I have a tendency to be short and tough with artists I feel particularly close to or admire. I treat them as artists who are already there. Artists who have found their voice and are using it. That's where I was coming from with you.
Now I realize that I'm better off not saying anything to someone about possibilities, unless it is asked for. I didn't mean to offend anyone on your site or you. Believe me. That's not what I want to do.
I hope you can hear where I'm coming from. If not, I understand. I wish you the best with your writing, life, and all that you do.
Love,
Pirooz
P.S. I have also found that thinking in the box is nutritious. You don't have to be outside anything. Inside, outside. It's all the same. What matters is if you're passionate about it. That was my point in my email (not sure if you got that). I've gotten thousands of critiques that are just soooo way off. I just wanted to offer something unexpected. I wanted to challenge. That's fucked up if you don't ask for it. It's also fucked up anyway you look at it. But that's my issue. Not yours. You be you. Work, write, live, play.
P.S.S. And don't you dare think that I'm saying you got shackles on (well, you can if you want) - I am saying the opposite. I'm saying there are no shackles. It's only when we believe our thoughts that we have shackles. It's when we believe others' thoughts that we have shackles too.
That's why critiques that bruise are so useful. They can be launching pads - a place for an artist to put down their shackles. It's about asking what is true. And all in all, nothing is. It's all an illusion. That's why I know you love me deep down inside. That's why I know I didn't really hurt you. You're beyond shackles. You're already Enlightened. You're already an artist.
There's nothing you have to do, if you can see there are no shackles.
P.S.S.S. Byron Katie's story...
So this lady, B. Katie, was walking through the desert. Suddenly she sees a snake, and like jumps a freaking foot in the air. Then she looks down and sees that the snake wasn't a snake. It was a rope.
That was when she realized all throughts were just ropes.
Writing is like this story. We think there are all these snakes, but they're just ropes.
_____________________
In other news, it is still my brother's birthday. I am excited to see him and kiss him. I am going to miss him and all my other friends here in L.A. and in the states, but I'm excited to experience Korea, write, and play chess with Jim. It's a Godsend really. I've been trying to rack my brain about how to pay off all these student loans and save to start a publishing/record company at the same time, and I've finally found it - teach as a professor online and teach esl overseas simultaneously. It's a minimal workload, and gives you plenty of time to write.
The girl I've been seeing is mighty upset with my decision. This is understandable. I hope she gets over it though. She is way too cute, and we could make up for lost time, by having time together now. Hopefully, she'll melt at the sight of me, and we'll get to have some quality time before I take off.
As far as the count on jobs Pirooz has had, I think it may be time for a tally...
15...Waiter, Cokesbury Village Nursing Home
16...Service Merchandise, Electronics Department (where I would meet the lead singer for Spindrift, Kevin Thomas).
17...Pizza Express, Slowest Delivery Guy (I had no idea it was a front for an acid haven. I was so clueless).
19...CRWings (Wing Slinger)
20...Road Construction, Flagger (worked with some tough guys who liked jazz)
21...Dishwaser, East End Cafe
22...Waiter, East End Cafe
23...Booking Agent, East End Cafe
24...Visual Artist, Macy's (I dressed mannequins!! Can you believe it?)
24...Mason, (Laid brick for a real chump. My brother still likes the guy, so I won't bag on him too much. Chump.)
25...Sinclair's Cafe, Waiter
26...Iron Hill Brewery (Lots of chumps here. Most corporate job I ever worked.)
26...Physical Education Teacher, Frederick Douglas Middle School
26...Men's Fragrance Specialist, Strawbridge & Clothier
27...Audio Engineer, Naropa University
28...Adjunct Faculty, Naropa University
28...Creative Arts Teacher, Seven Oaks Academy
28...Hair Salon Receptionist, Pompadour's
28...Telecommunications Expert (I told people they won free vacations, which they did, but they had to show up to a seminar. I quit after a month. Told the lady thanks, but no.)
29...Dub Logger, Weller Grossman Productions
29...Academic Manager/Tutor
29...Associate Producer
29...Post Production Coordinator
30...Associate Producer
30...Online Instructor
30...ESL Professor in Korea
And through it all, I have been writing. Thanks for stopping by. I hope these next two jobs will be my last. I want to go into business for myself now. I'm thinking
31...Publisher/Record Label Owner
Either that, or I'll join a monastery.
Most people will probably think I'll do the latter.
Who knows? Not me.
Blow, wind, blow. Blow, Jack! Blow Allen! Blow! Blow! Blow your tops off Jim! Blow to the wind Stace! Blow those candles Pay! Make it last Hoosht! I could be dead tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!! So blow!! Blow!
The wind I can't hear
because the window is shut
doesn't stop me from listening
to the cold I can feel.
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