Asked the Persian Girl Out

Yo, I did it. Balls to the wall. I decided I would go over to the Persian girl's house and just ask her out. I might be dead tomorrow, you know?

Oh, man, it was hilarious.

She lives with her Grams. I knock on the door and her grandmother comes to the door. She knows no English. Only Farsi. I do my best to convey that I'm looking for Gorgeous Girl. She is having trouble understanding me, because it comes out my mouth like, "Hi. How are you? Hi. Gorgeous girl. I Farsi. Hi."

She decides to call Gorgeous on the phone, who is at work.

So there I am with her Grandmother in her house asking her out.

"Hey," I say. "It's Pirooz."


"Pirooz, from next door."

"Oh, hi."

"I was just calling to see if you want to go get some coffee."

"Yeah, that sounds good. Today is bad though, because I have to work for another hour and then head over to Glendale. Then I head out of town on Thursday."


"But let me get your number."

"Okay. I already gave it to your grandmother."

"Oh, you're with my grandmother?"

"Yeah, she's really sweet."

I give her the digits. Then I bolt. The Grandmother follows me out. She says how she's so glad I'm Iranian, and wants to make sure Gorgeous has agreed to go out with me. At least that's what I think. I don't really know. I catch glimpses of a language that sounds like sandpaper to me - all underwater it's been so long. But I'm pretty sure she dug me. I figure that's a good in.

But what the hell am I going to do on this date?

Sprigs, help me. Dacheux?

Ah, forget it. I'm just going to have coffee and then take her to The Rainbow Room and a couple clubs. Who knows? I'll play it by ear.

So funny though.

I told the executives at the office about it, and one of them just railed me: "Pirooz," he said. "You're a good looking guy. You're all tatted up. You sing in a rock band. Why are you getting all bent out of shape about this girl?"

"Because she's hot," I say. "And such a dork. I dig that. It's so awkward."

The female executive is a lot more docile about the whole thing.

"Just put a note on the door, so the Grandmother doesn't know about it."

I might have gone overboard. It was just how it played out though. Who knows?

What makes it even funnier, is this same girl, Gorgeous, tried to front me 6 months ago and I just realized it today.

I was walking back from writing Golden Ashtray at the Sabe, when I see this girl tying her shoes or something on the sidewalk. Then when I walk up near her, she pops up and says, "Hey, how are you doing?"

I think she's in trouble or something because, mind you, I have just gotten out of a marriage and am kind of slow on the uptake, so I ask her if she needs help.

"Are you in trouble?" I ask. "Something wrong with your car?"

"No," she says, "I just wanted to say hi--and--well--"

Then she just turns and walks away. Real flustered and shit.

I didn't even realize she was trying to get up on my grill till I was halfway down the block and then it was too late to run after her.

Now 8 moths later. I live right next door to her. We'll go get coffee. Should be interesting. Exciting too. I am such a spaz, you know.

Anyway, that's how it's going down. (JP you asked to hear about my crazy love life.) I will let you know if I drool, or say some crazy shit only the poltergeist would do a 360 for.

Over and out, P to the G.


C. Dale said...

OMG, you kill me! The grandmother thing is right out of some strange short story. Love it.

C. Dale said...

And you have tats? Who would have known?

Lynn said...

Don't look at me, Man. I don't know what normal people do on dates.

John Posatko said...

BOOM SHAKALAKA!!! (throwing rock horns in the air)

Pirooz M. Kalayeh said...

C Dale-Yes, lots of tats. Does wonders on grandmothers. At least this one.

Sprigs - What does Sprigs do on a date?

JP - I'll tell you about it tonight, if I don't fall asleep in my car.

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John Peter said...

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