Asked the Persian Girl Out

Yo, I did it. Balls to the wall. I decided I would go over to the Persian girl's house and just ask her out. I might be dead tomorrow, you know?

Oh, man, it was hilarious.

She lives with her Grams. I knock on the door and her grandmother comes to the door. She knows no English. Only Farsi. I do my best to convey that I'm looking for Gorgeous Girl. She is having trouble understanding me, because it comes out my mouth like, "Hi. How are you? Hi. Gorgeous girl. I Farsi. Hi."

She decides to call Gorgeous on the phone, who is at work.

So there I am with her Grandmother in her house asking her out.

"Hey," I say. "It's Pirooz."

"Who?"

"Pirooz, from next door."

"Oh, hi."

"I was just calling to see if you want to go get some coffee."

"Yeah, that sounds good. Today is bad though, because I have to work for another hour and then head over to Glendale. Then I head out of town on Thursday."

"Okay."

"But let me get your number."

"Okay. I already gave it to your grandmother."

"Oh, you're with my grandmother?"

"Yeah, she's really sweet."

I give her the digits. Then I bolt. The Grandmother follows me out. She says how she's so glad I'm Iranian, and wants to make sure Gorgeous has agreed to go out with me. At least that's what I think. I don't really know. I catch glimpses of a language that sounds like sandpaper to me - all underwater it's been so long. But I'm pretty sure she dug me. I figure that's a good in.

But what the hell am I going to do on this date?

Sprigs, help me. Dacheux?

Ah, forget it. I'm just going to have coffee and then take her to The Rainbow Room and a couple clubs. Who knows? I'll play it by ear.

So funny though.

I told the executives at the office about it, and one of them just railed me: "Pirooz," he said. "You're a good looking guy. You're all tatted up. You sing in a rock band. Why are you getting all bent out of shape about this girl?"

"Because she's hot," I say. "And such a dork. I dig that. It's so awkward."

The female executive is a lot more docile about the whole thing.

"Just put a note on the door, so the Grandmother doesn't know about it."

I might have gone overboard. It was just how it played out though. Who knows?

What makes it even funnier, is this same girl, Gorgeous, tried to front me 6 months ago and I just realized it today.

I was walking back from writing Golden Ashtray at the Sabe, when I see this girl tying her shoes or something on the sidewalk. Then when I walk up near her, she pops up and says, "Hey, how are you doing?"

I think she's in trouble or something because, mind you, I have just gotten out of a marriage and am kind of slow on the uptake, so I ask her if she needs help.

"Are you in trouble?" I ask. "Something wrong with your car?"

"No," she says, "I just wanted to say hi--and--well--"

Then she just turns and walks away. Real flustered and shit.

I didn't even realize she was trying to get up on my grill till I was halfway down the block and then it was too late to run after her.

Now 8 moths later. I live right next door to her. We'll go get coffee. Should be interesting. Exciting too. I am such a spaz, you know.

Anyway, that's how it's going down. (JP you asked to hear about my crazy love life.) I will let you know if I drool, or say some crazy shit only the poltergeist would do a 360 for.

Over and out, P to the G.