"I will eat," she said proudly.
"Okay," I said.
We went out to dinner to celebrate. Mostly, So Gee talked about how she felt bad that her parents weren't as welcoming as my parents.
"I just want to make sure you're okay," she said.
"I am okay," I said. "This kind of thing doesn't bother me. It's just a story your parents are inhabiting to regulate their egos. Anytime there is a big shift in a person's relationships, the ego is going to react violently, especially if the person is attached to the relationship being one way."
I have not ever met So Gee's father. From the descriptions I have received, I assume he has monologues that go:
"He is not Korean. If you marry an American, he will divorce you. They love divorce. You aren't prepared for marriage. You have no skills. You will fail. This is a bad idea."
Such illusions are created to keep roles/identities a person doesn't want to let go. Its translation could read:
"I am a father. You are my daughter. I don't want to lose this control. I don't want to give up this role. If I do, my identity will shatter. My ego will not be the same."
I understand this predicament. This is what it is to be human. Some people just can't let go. There is nothing one can do. Either they melt or they don't. It's really not something to control. The best I can do is find how we are similar. Then we can start there. Who knows? Maybe, he likes cake. Maybe, we can both eat cake.