Become a Persian Trainer

If someone asks if you are from Iran, say you are Persian. Then explain the historical difference of Persia versus Iran in relation to Arianism with a complete disregard that being part of the Aryan people is not something that matters to anyone except "Ich liebe dick" Hitler.

Do not think that you can make rules up out of thin air. They have been around for millennia. Simply refer to your favorite books on the subject: "The Bible for Dummies" and M. Scott Peck's "Paths to Highly Effective Bowel Movements."

If someone says they thought Iran was Iraq, then punch them in the face. Afterward, explain that they're two different countries, while rolling your eyes and thinking silently to yourself, "Americans are so stupid," without realizing that you are in the same outfit as the person you are criticizing, and drinking the same "Cold Flu Fighter" from Jamba Juice off the corner of Sepulveda and Santa Monica Boulevard.

Now go eat four bowls of Basmati rice with saffron. When they ask you if you want tadigh, or the fried rice from the bottom of a pot of rise, say, "I am watching my figure." Then order two more dishes, including kashk e-badamjoon, some koo koo e-sabzi, and ask the waitress if she knows Farsi.